Biggest Struggle, Greatest Strength

April 24, 2017

This morning I was listening to the Oprah & Deepak 21 Day meditation – Day 11 to be exact.

The meditation was about peace being our greatest strength, and that our biggest struggle leads to our greatest strength.

As I was laying there, breathing in and out, focusing on the mantra and the grounding thought what kept coming to mind was that my struggle with unexplained infertility led to my strength as a mom.

That struggle forced me to learn how to be vulnerable – to open up, be honest and ask for help.  It taught me to accept that I am imperfect and that things mostly don’t go as planned. It taught me how to trust myself more and to worry less about what everyone else was doing and saying.

I learned how to love in a way that feels like my heart is always fully exposed – it feels really scary, and raw, but also like the only way to live.

There is so much that I am uncertain about. I know that I don’t walk around with an all encompassing inner peace on a daily basis.  But I do walk around knowing that I am strong. I love my son unconditionally and I am a good mom.

Even when I do things imperfectly, even when things feel hard, even when I am beyond tired. I know that my commitment to do my best and to love fiercely is enough.  I don’t have to do anything to prove it, to force it or to fake it.

The 7 years of struggle, of pain, of persistent effort even when the statics were not on our side – I dug in deep and stayed the course – not always gracefully, but I knew deep down that I was meant to be his mom. I didn’t know how or when but I knew in my heart that it was meant to be.

That paved the path for now. Now I get to express that love, to live in it. And I love that it gets to be messy. I love that there is no pressure to be perfect. I love that we all get to show up each day and simply do our very best – whatever that may mean that day.

This was an especially good way to start the day since today my little peanut is working on 4 teeth. He’s miserable, we’re both a mess and the house is a disaster – but whatever!  I know that all I have to do is show up and love him like crazy today. When that’s my focus, everything else seems a little bit easier and a lot less important.

Emily xox

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